Thursday, September 27, 2012

9-27-12

I wanna talk about bravery and cowardice.

My dad was, once upon a time, a depressive alcoholic. No need to get into details here, but I was left with a lot of bottled up feelings. In my head, injustice is quickly met with extreme violence. I struggle not to daydream of terrible, ugly, violent things, because it makes me feel like i could do those things out of revenge or indignity. It's awful because i know that's not who i am. I know, logically, violence doesn't solve anything, it never has.

So you can imagine how i felt today when someone decided to post the group FitBloggin' picture and insult them on their own blog. A silly troll, and nothing more, but i just wanted to see their head squished. Initially, anyway. I took a breath, checked out my twitter feed, and remembered the network of support i'd just fallen into this past weekend.

I know what a coward does. A coward needs someone else to validate them. A coward hurts someone by standing faceless in a crowd while standing up for nothing of their own.

I'm not a coward. And since the coward in question was too much of a sackless turd to post them, allow me to do the honor:

This is me working out. I'm doing some jump thing, and let me tell you, it hurt like fuck.

And i look like complete shit doing it, too. I look like a huffing, sweating pig, but there i am, rubbing my fat balls in pain's face. (not really, i wanted to fall over and vomit)

My abs are weak as hell under the fat, and i know it. but i kept going. No regrets.

There you go, Internet. Me at my ugliest, at my weakest. if you're too scared to get up and do it yourself, don't bother mentioning it. I'm improving myself, and i've nothing to prove to anyone. I'm doing this for me and nobody else. 

I talk tall, but i'm nothing compared to those not in the picture. the other men and women i met worked twice, thrice even, as hard as i did, and were far more brave than what i could muster. In them i find more bravery, honesty, and sheer will than i've ever seen in my life. and through it all, they were nothing but supportive. They understood, they sympathized with everyone, they listened and offered a hand. that's what brave people do. they stand up and offer a hand, not snicker behind screens. They've nothing to be afraid of, and neither do i.

So when you point and laugh or worse, i'm not going to throw insults or punches. I'm going to endure. that's what bravery is, at it's very core, is endurance above all else. Inspired by my friends and family, i'll endure. Because in the end, i'll be remembered for what I did and what I inspired, and they'll always just be assholes.

Thanks, Eddie.

8 comments:

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    1. I try. I derive my awesome from outside sources :)

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  2. Wow, new reader, this is so true. People hide behind the veil of the internet to make fun and bully. F' them, you are a real person, a good one!

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    1. hey thanks, i don't have a whole lot yet, but i'm hoping to change that.

      I was there once, too, i hid in anonymity and used to spout some vile stuff. i grew up though, and realized i have to be the change i want to make. so here i am.

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  3. The internet can bring out the absolute worst in people...but it also brings out posts like this. I admire your bravery and awesomeness.

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    1. thanks :) i'm inspired by those around me.

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  4. You are awesome. I'm actually blogging about this very moment at fitbloggin'!

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    1. Awesome. I felt nothing but support there, and I'm on board for everything now. Thank you.

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