Talking is Hard

My last entry was the start of a pretty dark little period. Depression hit me harder than it ever has, and i couldn't really deny it any more, i had to acknowledge it. It sucked. It sucked really, really bad. There were moments of desperately trying not to cry at my desk during a normal workday. There were times i lied to my mother about how I was feeling. I moved at a snail's pace towards finding someone to talk to. I finally did, and i'm still, quite slowly, working on the issue. Talking to the doctor was absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done. every little piece of me screamed that i was doing the wrong thing and i was making things harder or jsut being plain stupid. But i've told only a single other person about what goes on in my brain (and the kind people who take a minute to look at my blog. Thank you, who ever you might be).

It will probably not surprise anyone that my little brother and father are both currently medicated for depression and axiety. i realized that i owed it to my little brotehr, and mother, and my friends to try and seek help. And it was hard as shit. It was so ahrd to talk about myself. It's something i hate immensely. Part of the reason i took so long to get back to this blog. (That and password recovery from Google is a bitch and a half).

But, i'm kind of mostly on the way to maybe a solution. I don't know what that is yet. I'm still working out. I havent lost much weight. I'm trying to run again. I have a friend who loves to run with me, so there's good times there. I'm trying to put the effort back into eating right, so i'm getting there. I like greek yogurt and oranges again. yay!

I'm going to try some new things. I'm going to try and do a podcast. I'm going to try and finish my sci-fi story. and i'm going to try to read more. we'll see how it goes.

And thanks again for reading. i appreciate it.